The memory of my fathers battle with cancer still haunts me to
this day. It pained me to see the cancer slowly alter his physique, the once
healthy and active man in his prime slowly being whittled down, immobilized
by pain. Ever the optimist and fighter, even when being diagnosed six months
ago, dad never broke down and serenely told us that we would all pull
through this crisis together. Thinking back it may just have been his way of
preparing us for what was to come.
Now, after months and months of strong drugs and
endless chemotherapy which left dad as weak as a 70 year old man, the doctor
gave us even more bad news. The cancer cells in dads body have spread to
his liver and it is getting worse. This was too much for mum to take; she
broke down and cried the whole night. When dad heard the news, he was still
calm and composed like always, taking the news like he expected it sooner or
later. The whole family was devastated by the news, but we stayed together
all the time, hoping we can go through with it.
Days passed as
the tedium of life in a hospital ward took over, we all took turns to take
care of dad. One day as I was settling into my routine of watching
television, I heard dads broken voice asking hoarsely Son I was thinking,
remember the present you gave methe
photo mug. Can you look for
it? My mind blurred for a moment then I remembered, I had given the mug to
him as a present after my graduation. A photo of us together was printed on
it along with the words Thanks Dad written boldly in front. Dad told me
where to find it in the house and I went to get it. As I held the mug in my
hand I could feel a swell of emotion well up in me as I recalled the story
behind the mug.
It was right after the end of my graduation ceremony
for my undergraduate degree. We were standing around talking when mum said
dad and I should take one picture together since me and mum took one
earlier. So we stood together, with the awkward smiles and tried to look as
natural as we can. Its seldom that we took photographs together even during
family trips or holidays because it was either me or dad taking those
photographs so we didnt really took photographs together until now. Till
now mum still tease us saying how weird our expressions were that day. But,
I can see that dad was really happy for me for finishing my studies, and I
felt glad that dad finally has something to be proud of because of me. Few
days later I was walking in our local mall when I saw this booth offering to
print pictures on mugs and key chains and all sorts of other stuffs such as
personalized baptism photo mugs and so on. I think
it was a spur of the moment when I thought of getting one of those photo
mugs for dad would be cool, so I got one done with the graduation picture
printed on it.
I am not what you would call a giving person, I
regret that now and have changed somewhat. But I think that only helped to
heighten dads joy at receiving my gift. He too was silent for a moment as I
broke his daily routine of television watching not knowing what to make at
first of the mug that was thrust into his hands. He uttered the words thanks
then turned back to his show, it was only later that I noticed him smiling
fondly as he fingered it. In the glow of the fading evening light, I
realized that he truly appreciated the gift. When the son finally gives
instead of receiving then he has begun to be a man. The
personalized
photo mugs was my first
significant gift to dad, I remember thinking, why didnt I get him a fancy
hand phone or a gold chain instead, but now looking back the mug with the
two of us in a goofy embrace was more than adequate.
Yup that old
personalized reunion mug certainly meant a lot to dad. As I took the mug to
him at the hospital, dad flashed a smile at me that practically lit up the
room. Son he said When you were born both your mom and me had no clue how
to take care of a baby. You were our biggest challenge and also my greatest
accomplishmentweve been through a lot of ups and downs together, but on
the day you got your scroll I knew we had succeeded and done a good job. A
son reflects the father and I am truly proud to be reflected in you, youve
become a fine young man who will go on to do far greater things than his old
man. At this point I could feel the warmth of the tears involuntarily
rolling down my cheeks, dad looked and me and smiled knowingly and I smiled
back understanding, he was telling me his job was done and it was almost
time for him to take that big bus up to the sky. That moment will always be
frozen and framed in my memory forever.
My father ultimately loss the battle with cancer
a fortnight later but he won the war. The stars dimmed just a little and the
world spun just a little slower the day he sailed away on that golden winged
ship. A part of me died that day but I know that a part of him still lives
in me. I have kept the mug safely in the closet where he kept it safely out
of harms way, it makes me sad and happy to look at it now like bittersweet
chocolate. Dad may have been proud of me as a son, but I am even prouder to
have had such a father as him.